I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
