my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
