We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize