"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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