If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize