Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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