I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
