my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
