So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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