You really coming over, don't trick.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
