you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
