you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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