When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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