Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
