So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
