i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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