No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
