So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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