I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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