I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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