Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
