I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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