it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
