i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
