I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
