I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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