Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
