You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
