Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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