Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
