Acid is not a monday night drug
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
