my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
