my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
