I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
