I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
