This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
