not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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