I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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