he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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