I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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