I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
