it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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