is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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