Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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