At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
