he wants to bone in the snuggie
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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