At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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