dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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