I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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