so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
