batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize