Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
