I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
