I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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