it wasn't lemon gatorade
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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