I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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