so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I did not marry a roomba.
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