Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
