so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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