I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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